don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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