Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
