i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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