i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
