I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
