Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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