I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
