So gin and wine won't be happening again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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