My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
