Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
