she woke up with a sticky ear
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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