I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
