Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
