Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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