Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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