We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
