Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
