ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
