if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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