Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
