There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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