3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize