i love accidental penises.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
