i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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