I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
