clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
