Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God, I missed his penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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