All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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