When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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