Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
