Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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