Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
