Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
