I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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