I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
