So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
