The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
