Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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