I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
