In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My life is pants optional.
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