the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
