my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
