I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
