all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
