i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
