I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
