you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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