this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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