Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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