this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
