If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
