Welp...herpes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
