We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
