I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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