I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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