Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
