Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
