Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize