Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(209): View more from California

I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.

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(513): View more from Ohio

She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?

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(712): View more from Iowa

He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

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(425): View more from Washington

I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!

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(631): View more from New York

You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport

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