so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
