my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
