You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
