Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
