I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
