Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
