and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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