his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
